The Wonderful Future

For a long time, I couldn't see any further into the future than our California trip. It's easy to get caught up in something you're excited about. Now that the trip is over, I have been doing a lot of deep thinking about my life and about what will make me happy moving forward.

Vacation cleared my mind and helped with closure with regard to Dave's death, now almost 7 months in the past. My life was rocked to the core, and although I started pulling together the scraps to rebuild right away, it is only now that I feel I have something sizeable to work with. I feel more in control of my life, and a vague path is beginning to show itself through the fog of day to day life. I'm at a point where I feel simultaneously lost and found, like although the picture is becoming clearer, it's still indiscernible at certain angles.

Still, good things are happening. Some of you who have me on Facebook might already know this, but I haven't specified on the blog before, that I was recently published in a magazine. If you are a regular reader, you might remember me writing a review on the new Derwent Artbars back in February. Well, a few days after I published that on the blog, I received a letter from Colored Pencil Magazine. They were asking if they could publish my review in their magazine, along with the accompanying photographs.

Of course, I told them they could publish it. A full page of my writing and artwork was published in their April 2012 issue, which is available on their website. I couldn't believe that I got an entire page in a magazine! I will be ordering a few extra copies for family members, and might give some away on the blog if I end up with extras. Feel free to order a copy directly from their website if you would like. It only costs $6 for a printed copy and $3 for a downloadable version.

With this success with my art, it has got me thinking about where I'm headed with my drawings and other artwork I complete. I want to continue doing portraits, because I enjoy it so much and I love the rush I get when I give the final work to a client and they love it. However, portraits aren't very profitable. You get the initial profit from the commission and then it's done. My mother in law, Glenda, actually asked me a really interesting question on our drive to take me to the airport in Palm Springs on Wednesday. She said, "Why don't you sell prints of your art?".

Good question. Why don't I? I mean, it isn't a huge step to take. With a small investment it would take less than a month to implement. It's great when you can sell an original, but it's less affordable for the customer. Prints would allow me to create more original works that are more affordable. Instead of charging $300 for an original piece, it might only be $30 or $40 for a print. Even better: I can continue to sell copies of that same print for the rest of my life. Every new work I create prints for adds more potential for regular sales. I can do all of this while still taking on portrait work and doing my writing job.

So, what else can I do to further my art career? The La Quinta art festival was incredible and with a bit of research, I learned it only costs $75 + 20% of your sales for the day to rent a table. If I can create enough new works throughout this next year, I might be able to do that when Darwin and I go down to California again. I still need to look into the legalities of me being Canadian, but that seems extremely affordable.

I have my portfolio website set up, but I could start up another Etsy shop. I have used them before and had a couple bad experiences with customers, but overall I got a good number of sales.

Pricing is another area I have been thinking about. Down in California, there was a woman selling pet portraits for almost twice what I charge, and others mentioned that my portraits are of higher quality compared to hers. So, do I increase prices or keep them the same? Obviously I don't want to price my works so high that nobody can afford them, but at the same time I can't undervalue myself. I do good work and should be compensated accordingly.

What do you guys think? What would you like to see offered? I'm also interested to know what you guys think of the pricing options I have now ($80 for an 8x10 and $150 for an 11x14 in charcoal). I'd like to know what you think my work should be worth vs. what you would realistically spend on something of quality similar to mine. Let me know by leaving a comment, sending me an email (ganiggle@gmail.com) or messaging me on Facebook.

Some examples of my work:

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California 2012: A Day at the Ocean Part 2: The Ocean

The ocean is the most beautiful place in the world to me. Not because you can tan on the beach, not because I like surfing or swimming, and certainly not for beach parties. What I love about the ocean is the sheer power of it, the smell, the sound, and the feel of it. When I'm near the ocean, every sense is awakened in me and I feel completely at peace inside. Every single worry in my life ceases to exist when I look out over the water and see the sun dancing on the peaks and ripples. It is home to so many forms of life, everything from single-celled organisms to the largest whale exist somewhere beneath that surface. It demands respect; that water can kill you in an instant if you aren't careful. I could spend a lifetime watching and listening to the ocean and love every second of it. I could walk along the edge of the water until my legs gave out.

When we arrived at the ocean, it took my breath away. In an instant, all of the tragedy, the pain, the sorrow and the loss over the last 7 months temporarily disappeared. I was finally able to say goodbye to Dave and to the life we were supposed to have. In the time it took for my eyes to scan from one edge of the horizon to the other, a weight was lifted from my heart.

Glenda watched Darwin, and I set off to explore the beach. Before long, I encountered a large peninsula of massive rocks that jutted out fifty feet into the water. Waves crashed over the end of the peninsula every 10 seconds or so, shooting salt water straight into the air, sparkling in the afternoon sun. I wanted to be there. With bare feet and a camera in each hand, I began to climb over the rocks. As I got closer to where the water was splashing up, I felt the cool mist on my face and the wind in my hair.

 



 

When we left that area of the beach, it was to head over to the Santa Monica Pier. Al walked there with Darwin in the stroller and a little while later we drove over in the truck. The pier is a really cool place. There are rides, shops and various restaurants including a Bubba Gump Shrimp, where we had dinner. When it came time to leave, we encountered a man who was sitting in front of a variety of upside-down buckets and various metal things. When we got closer, he said "put the baby in front of me, I'll play him a song". I faced Darwin toward him and he began drumming on all of these various things. I am not sure what I was expecting from this man, but his performance was certainly incredible. I never would have guessed that all these things that are trash to most of us can create such a unique and entertaining sound. I recorded his performance, so check it out!

 



 

Amazing, right? That man had so much talent and I'm happy he shared it with us. Overall it was an amazing day spent with amazing people and I'm glad that I could experience it all with my son by my side.

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California 2012: A Day at the Ocean Part 1: Hollywood

One thing I wanted to do more than anything else on our trip to California this year was to see the ocean with my baby boy. It was a place that held a lot of importance for Dave and I, so became a place of closure as well. On March 26th, we got our chance to see the Pacific again.

We woke up early. Santa Monica was two hours away so we planned to be in the truck and ready to go by 8:00AM. We all went: Al and Glenda, Adam and Natasha, Darwin and myself. The drive was beautiful, like any drive in southern California. It started with desert sand, mountains and wind turbines, and the closer we got to the ocean the greener the view outside the truck window became. Our first stop was to be Hollywood. I had never been to Hollywood.

When I think of Hollywood, what comes to mind is a scene of glamorous shops, movie posters, clean streets and of course the stars on the sidewalk. A place where dreams come true and famous people flock towards. I thought the entire place would be glowing with lights. I kept my eyes fixed out the window and waited to be dazzled.

I wasn't. What I saw were a lot of places that looked like maybe they were once beautiful but now exist as mere shells. So many commercial properties that looked abandoned. The entire area was dotted with people who were having full conversations with inanimate objects, or yelling from their place on the sidewalk. It lacked colour, vibrancy. The streets were dead and dull.

When I saw the Kodak Theater, I thought certainly it would be different there. While I did see some cool things and interesting architecture, the mood on the sidewalk out front was of desperation. People were dressed up as famous characters from movies. I saw Jack Sparrow, Spiderman, the Incredible Hulk, and even someone dressed up as Angry Birds. Each one of them was preying on tourists, trying to get tips in exchange for posing for a photo. Other people were trying to give CDs with their music to you. I couldn't walk two feet without being bombarded and harassed.

All things aside, I'm glad I got to see it. It certainly wasn't all bad. Between the parking lot that smelled like urine and the begging, there were some beautiful things to see. We ate at the Hard Rock Cafe (a first for me) and the food was wonderful. We were able to get some great photos and any time spent with family is good time.

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California 2012: The La Quinta Art Festival

'Art Under the Umbrellas' is an art festival held in old town La Quinta once per month. Unlike the Palm Springs street fair or the College of the Desert market, this was a very specific festival. It was fine art. Finally, something I could truly enjoy. The other festivals were great, but had a different vibe. They were busy, quick moving, and you couldn't hear the person next to you.

La Quinta was much different. It had a laid back vibe and wasn't nearly as busy. It was a very calm and relaxing atmosphere, and it was easy to talk to the artists who were there displaying their works. It was a lot of fun having conversations with people who do what I do for a living, and so they understand what it's like to be an artist. Many of them have such beautiful work, and I would like to share some of it with you.

But, before I get into their art, let's focus for a moment on the festival itself. The location was old town La Quinta, which is filled with beautiful architecture and has sort of an old Italy sort of feeling to it.

[caption id="attachment_1292" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Walking into the festival"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1293" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Glenda and Darwin in front of pretty buildings."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1294" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Walking through the displays"][/caption]

 

Now, onto the actual artists. The first artist I came across was Joann Cugley. She had a big display of her oil paintings and they were gorgeous. Most of her pieces were of desert landscapes. She said she usually worked from life, doing sketches and matching colours before heading back to her studio for the final piece. Each canvas was alive with vibrant colour. She creates highly detailed pieces and they are stunning to admire. Here she is with some of her pieces.

[caption id="attachment_1295" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Joann Cugley (right)"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1296" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Joann Cugley had a limited number of portraits to view."][/caption]

 

Unfortunately, she didn't really have a website that you can go to, but if you are interested in any of the work you see here, or if you want to see more, you can contact her at joanncugley@gmail.com.

Susan Elle was another artist there whose work I quite enjoyed. It was bright and fresh. She uses watercolour and acrylic paint and does a variety of happy goldfish paintings. Her pieces are quite nice. They are nice and bright and playful. When I met Susan, she was very friendly and eager to talk about her work.

[caption id="attachment_1297" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Susan Elle by her work"][/caption]

 

You can check out Susan's website at www.susanelle-studio.com

California 2012: Home Again

The worst part of vacation is the finality of feeling the plane touch down to a cold runway in your home city. When a flight attendant says 'Stay back here with your son out of the cold and we will set up your stroller for you', the vacation is over.

And with that, the sun in California exists now only in the slight burn on my cheeks and shoulders. The valley is already a fading memory and the adventures taken are marked by the countless photographs on my hard drive. Two weeks gone in the blink of an eye.

The trip was amazing. I saw many new things, met plenty of new people and most importantly of all, I took my little boy on his first vacation. He changed so much in the two weeks we were there and it was nice to share that with some family members who don't see him very often.

After being around loved ones for two straight weeks, coming home to an empty condo is pretty lonely. It's easy to get used to the idea of someone else sleeping in another room, there if you need them. The silence that surrounded me after my aunt Viv dropped me off was consuming. Darwin was asleep and it was just me again. I plugged in the electronics again and turned on a movie to fill the void.

It shouldn't take long to readjust to regular life, but I certainly wish I was still in southern California watching palm trees sway in the breeze while I sit back in the hot tub and reflect upon this crazy life of mine while enjoying the company of people I love, and an ice cold diet Pepsi.

California 2012: Final Day

Today was my last full day in this place I have grown to love so much. I spent the day relaxing around the house and most of the afternoon was spent in the pool. Tomorrow will consist of packing and then heading back home. I only hope that Darwin is as good on the way home as he was on the way here.

I have met so many wonderful and interesting people here, and I have experienced so many new things. The best part is that I did all of it with my little man, Darwin. Making memories with him is what I live for now, and I am absolutely loving it. Each day is a new adventure and he's like my little sidekick.

I sure don't want to leave Indio to head back to Saskatchewan. I could spend a month here and not get bored or feel homesick. I'm exhausted but I never want to leave.

I have so much more to write about and show you when I get home. So much!

California 2012: The Best Day

Today was a very busy day, but I'm not going to get into the entire story now. I'm absolutely exhausted and about to go to sleep. To give you a quick summary, we went to Hollywood, drove through Beverly Hills, and ended up in Santa Monica at the ocean. It was beautiful and magical and perfect. More on that after I get back to Canada.

[caption id="attachment_1282" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Darwin and me at the ocean."][/caption]

California 2012: A Few Days in Paradise

The dreaded moment is just a few days away. That moment when I have to get on a plane to go back home. It's so easy to fall in love with California. You could spend a lifetime here and still find something new to experience. Even after posting three times in one day yesterday, I am still behind on all I have to tell you guys, my dear readers. The post I was going to do today will have to be postponed because it is a big one and I am low on time because of a big day trip planned for today. we're leaving early this morning and going to one of my favorite places and the one that will surely be the highlight of our trip.

The post I was going to do today was about the art festival in old town La Quinta. I met loads of interesting artists there, and I want to tell you about them. It's a lot of typing though, and I need to get to sleep because it's up and on the road early. The post will be worth the wait though. We saw many gorgeous things. I met many lovely people and it was a nice, fun time.

With just a couple of days left, I want to make the most of it. It's hard not to be happy down here, and the beauty of this place has been therapeutic for me. I feel more at peace inside, and Darwin has changed so much since stepping off that plane that he almost seems like an entirely new little man. Life is a mysterious thing, and it's crazy just how different you can feel in your heart after some sunshine and relaxation.

California 2012: Cabazon Dinosaurs

Well it's my third post, in a row. At least I'm getting caught up! Alright so on Friday we went to Cabazon, and after the shopping I mentioned in my previous post, we went to take photos by the dinosaurs. It was quite windy, as it always is in Cabazon, so it's hard to get photos that do not include your hair blowing in your face. Even with my hair being short now, it was still a pain. We were still able to get some pretty cute shots.

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California 2012: Shopping in Cabazon (and Why I Don't Understand Fashion)

Alright, getting caught up on my posts. On March 23rd (Friday) we went to Cabazon. When I say 'we' I'm referring to Adam, Natasha, Darwin and myself. We piled into the Mustang early in the morning and traveled the 40 or so minutes to Cabazon, California. It's a windy area, but great for shopping. They have a massive outlet mall filled with about 130 stores. There is everything from Sunglass Hut to Famous Footwear, to Judith Lieber.

It started off with a quick trip into Sunglass Hut, and it's a bit of a blur from there. It was a whirlwind of designer dresses, shoes that shouldn't be that high off the ground, and bags... lots of bags.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the most fashion-forward person on the planet. I don't watch Project Runway, I don't wear dresses, and I have no idea who or what a Gucci is. I don't own a single pair of high-heeled shoes and I wear socks with sandals. Natasha, however, loves that stuff. I didn't even know this about her before Friday, but she watches all the fashion shows, knows all those big designer names and can generally tell you what the value of some of these things are. She was like a little kid in a candy store, the way she lit up when her eyes saw the storefront of some grand designer she was familiar with. She took photos of the signs, excitedly trying on shoes, and fondling bags of the highest quality.

Me? I was confused. She had to correct me a few times:

Me: "Natasha, what's so great about VER-SAYCE?"

Natasha: "It's VER-SAH-CHEE!"

We were in a store called Judith Lieber. She was looking at this 'clutch' (apparently that's a type of bag, not a car part) that was all sparkly, and when I walked up to her, told me it was 'fourteen ninety-nine'. She went on about how these were the bags that the stars wore on the red carpet. "Buy it!" I exclaimed, thinking what a wonderful deal that was. Especially since famous people used this same 'clutch'. At first she thought I was being sarcastic, but when she clued in that I really was that clueless about fashion, she corrected "No, Wendy... it's $1499.99."

WHAT!?

Fifteen hundred dollars.... for a 'clutch'? It was tiny! You couldn't fit much of anything in there. Maybe a napkin, then you're done. That's all you can carry. Rip. Off. I don't understand these things, or what makes them so expensive, but give me a bag of shiny beads and some glue and I'll make you a sparkly clutch for way less. I'll even make it big enough to hold things. Whoever designed those 'clutches' is sitting on a golden throne somewhere, laughing as her bank account balance climbs every time someone buys one of her overpriced bags.

Natasha got excited when she tried on Prada shoes. I was afraid to so much as touch anything in that store. And listen to this: there was a man whose only job was to open the door for you at the Prada store. That's what he did. He stood there in the heat, wearing a fancy suit and tie, with his hair all slicked back, and he opened the door for you. Don't get me wrong, it's always nice for someone to hold the door for you, but it seemed to be a bit much. There were bags for $800 and more, and there were simple scarves for over a hundred, and this was an outlet store. These prices were discounted. I saw a keychain for fifty dollars. I'm serious.

[caption id="attachment_1252" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="A view across the parking lot at the Cabazon outlets."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1253" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Down the sidewalk of shops"][/caption]

 

Amongst this day of crazy shopping stores, I did find something to buy. It wasn't something fabulous or valuable. It wasn't designed by some rich man in France or Italy. It was some simple Converse shoes. But with a bit of a twist.

[caption id="attachment_1254" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Now I can mismatch my socks AND my shoes!"][/caption]

 

I've always worn mismatched socks, and have always wanted to wear mismatched shoes. In order to do that though, I had to buy two pairs of the same shoes, just in different colours. Converse shoes are pretty cheap, and are sold in a bunch of different colours, so why not?

California 2012: Palm Springs Street Festival

In downtown Palm Springs, there were 4 or 5 blocks sectioned off, with hundreds of booths set up with a massive variety of vendors. There was everything from food to oil paintings valued at thousands of dollars. The place was jam-packed with people, and getting from one stall to the next took a while. Although it was really busy and a little frustrating to try to see everything, it was certainly worth the effort. There was something for everyone, and I was finally able to purchase a piece of local art to take home.

There was a group of men who were all dressed up, complete with makeup and flamboyant outfits, posing for photographs. They were quite an entertaining bunch and it was a lot of fun to see them. It was dark, so getting good photos was difficult, but this was the best shot I could manage.

[caption id="attachment_1245" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Posing for photographs with people at the festival."][/caption]

 

Among other street performers was an artist who worked with a combination of spray paint and what I think was probably acrylic paint. It's hard to tell from the photo, but it was a gorgeous sunset that was created with the spray paint, and then he was painting on palm trees with acrylic paint.

[caption id="attachment_1246" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Artist creating a new piece on the street."][/caption]

 

When I was thinking of what kind of local art I wanted to bring home with me, I had a few criteria. It had to have been made by someone in Southern California, it had to be hand-made, and there had to be palm trees. I walked up to a stall run by a lovely husband and wife artist team. They're called Jeanne Dana and have a website you can see here. I instantly spied a piece that had three palm trees on it, as well as a gorgeous combination of colours that I thought would look perfect on my wall at home. I talked briefly with the husband while his wife packaged up my purchase. They were a very charismatic couple and were happy to pose with the piece I purchased when I asked.

[caption id="attachment_1247" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Jeanne Dana with the work I purchased and 'blah blah blah' sign."][/caption]

California 2012: Jackalope Ranch

Jackalope Ranch is a really cool restaurant in Indio. Found on Highway 111, it clearly stands out on the side of the street as being a unique property. Decorated with stone architecture and wood accents, the mood of the restaurant is casual yet still quite sophisticated and classy. This is where we went for supper the other day. I got some great shots of the surrounding landscaping and scenery just off the outdoor patio seating area. Glenda took some shots of Darwin and me. It was a great meal!

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California 2012: Hands and Feet

Today was a very busy day, and it's getting late. I will only be able to share part of today with you right now, but I promise I will post about the rest of the day as soon as I can, because I have plenty of photos that I took today!

I've never been the 'girly-girl' type of woman. I've always leaned a touch more toward being masculine minded. When other girls were talking about makeup and playing with dolls, I could generally be found playing Super Metroid or Ninja Turtles. These days I'm quite the same. I don't spend a lot of time on my appearance, I rarely wear makeup and I'd rather shop for electronics and gadgets than shoes.

I can certainly fall into the girly role when circumstances call for it. Natasha is very much the girly type of woman, and she is a fan of getting her nails done, so I figured since I'm on vacation, I would give that a try. We went together to a place in Indio called VIP Nails. Having never gotten a manicure or a pedicure before, I was a little nervous. When we walked in the door and announced our presence to a lady at a desk, I was instructed to choose a colour for my nails. I chose the brightest green I saw on the wall and was sent to a large wooden chair with a foot bath attached to the bottom. Unfortunately, Natasha and I were split up so we were on separate keratin journeys.

I was instructed to put my feet in the water and was asked if the temperature was okay. It was just the right temperature. A small woman of what I believe was Korean descent sat down at my feet and began rubbing various liquids all over them. Some kind of oil, another liquid that was perhaps alcohol, another oil, and so on. She went to work at high speed and it was hard to keep track of all that she was doing. With a set of plastic drawers on wheels, she began pulling out various sharp metal instruments which she used to poke and prod at my toes. At some point she pulled out a brush and started scrubbing my feet all over and it tickled like crazy. I giggled uncontrollably for a little while. She stabbed at my toes some more, painted them, and sent me to a desk where she got to work on my hands.

The hands were done quickly. She got me to soak them in a little dish, then prodded with her sharp instruments of torture until she was satisfied. She painted them bright green to match my toes and before I knew it, I was sitting with my hands and feet under UV light. I probably have skin cancer now.

At this point in the journey of my fingers and toes, Natasha was still having her nails done. She was getting something a little more complicated done to hers. I think they put plastic nails on or something. Anyway, the woman doing it was certainly taking her sweet time, and so I got bored. I eventually left the nail salon and got a drink. I became bored pacing outside and, realizing I had my camera in my purse, took a few photos.

[caption id="attachment_1220" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="My bright green toes outside the nail salon."][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1221" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Taken mid stride in front of the nail salon. Can you tell I was bored?"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1222" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Shadow-Wendy wanted her photo taken"][/caption]

 

When Natasha finally emerged from the shop, almost two and a half hours had passed since we arrived, and we were running incredibly late for dinner at a fancy restaurant.

I thought it appropriate to finish off the girly afternoon with an ultra-girly shot of us in the Thunderbird before we headed back to the house to quickly get ready to head to a restaurant, which I will tell you about tomorrow. Goodnight, Blog!

[caption id="attachment_1223" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="At last! Our nails were complete!"][/caption]

 

California 2012: Artistic Afterburn, Party Time and New Arrivals

Today started off slowly. It was very relaxing and calm. I thought I would work on my rock painting, so a good chunk of the early afternoon was spent with brush in hand. While I worked, Glenda kept Darwin entertained and even took him for a walk and then into the pool. It was nice to get some time to work on the painting. I'm not sure if I told Blogland this before, but I burn quite easily in the sun. I guess the back of my left arm was getting some direct sunlight while I was painting and as the day progressed it got worse and worse. Now it's red and very burny feeling. I'll have to be more careful!

Then, there was plans to go to a party being held by a friend of Glenda and Al, named Peggy. She and her husband are from New York, and have thick New York accents which was interesting to hear. It was a lovely party and the food was great. Darwin met even more new people and enjoyed himself. This couple had the most amazing house and their back yard especially was quite incredible. I wish I had taken photos for you guys so you could see it. It was really beautiful. They had a cute pool which had a raised hot tub. Water from the hot tub poured over into the pool via the gorgeous stone siding. The landscape was dotted with a variety of plants from palm trees to a lime tree and plenty of other things I didn't recognize.

We left at around 7:45 because we had to be at the Palm Springs airport by 8:20, which was when my brother-in-law, Adam and his girlfriend Natasha were going to be landing. It's nice to see them again and we should get to spend plenty of time together this week before I head back home on the 28th. Unfortunately, Natasha isn't feeling well. I hope she feels better soon so she can enjoy her vacation. I know how much it sucks to be sick when you're on a trip.

Time sure does fly when you're enjoying yourself! It's hard to believe that our trip is half over already!

California 2012: Girl's Day With Shields! (and Darwin)

Today was very much a 'Girl's Day' around here. Al got up early and left for Mexico with his buddy Frank, and so Glenda, Darwin and I picked up Mavis in the truck and headed out for a day of shopping. We stopped by El Paseo, where Mavis and Glenda found some great new shoes, and hopped into a few other stores before getting back in the truck and heading to Westfield Mall.

Compared to the malls I'm used to at home, Westfield Mall was huge. It is two levels and there were tons of stores. We all split up at that point to check out the stores we wanted to see. I saw a Hot Topic, which I would have loved about 7-12 years ago but have grown out of. There are loads of other clothing stores, catering to various styles. The place smelled delicious too. Like cinnamon buns. A man in front of a pretzel shop was giving out free samples of cinnamon pretzel. It was delicious. I found a Children's Place store, and they had a deal going on where it was 40% off already reduced merchandise. I got a lot of great outfits for Darwin for a great price.

It's really interesting to see the difference between Canadian and American shopping. Americans certainly seem better at it. Staff in every single store I was in were very polite and pleasant. In most cases, the store would have its own little greeter at the door, smiling at you when you came in. It's a simple concept, but it made the shopping experience more personal. Back home, people don't seem to give a turd about their jobs, or whether you buy anything, and so they ignore you until you ask them something and ruin their day with your customerness.

It was nice walking around the mall, and I realized it was my first time to visit an indoor mall in America. Last year when Dave and I were here, we visited a lot of outdoor malls and shops, but never a regular, standard shopping mall. The vibe is certainly different here. Sales people are more proactive, yet not pushy or annoying. Must be the constant sunshine.

After we were done shopping, we went to a restaurant/date farm/gift shop called Shields. It was a cute little place, with an outdoor patio area to eat fresh, delicious food from their diverse menu. I ordered a burger (as I do in most restaurants) and was surprised to find that there was a choice in what kind of cheese went on your burger. Sure, you could go with the regular cheddar cheese, but I went with pepper jack because I'm edgy and cool. It was absolutely delicious, and nice to eat in the light, airy atmosphere of the outdoors. The waiters and waitresses were friendly and the service was fast.

The gift shop was like a little treasure trove of goodies, souvenirs and locally grown produce (mostly dates). I bought a bunch of postcards while Glenda and Mavis had Darwin in the garden area beside the restaurant. I was surprised later by a gift from Glenda of the coolest little ant made of rocks and metal, playing a trumpet. I had mentioned I thought they were cool when we had seen them at the College of the Desert street fair, and it was so sweet of her to remember.

When we got home it was pool and hot tub as usual and then a night of relaxing. Here's the pictures of the day. The ones of Darwin in the hot tub were actually taken the night prior to our Girl's Day and visit to Shields.

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California 2012: 1000 Palms Oasis

Like I mentioned in my last post, my father-in-law and I were driving around in the valley and ended up at a place called 1000 Palms Oasis. It is located in the Coachella valley. What makes this area unique is that water seeps up from under the ground. This water comes from the San Andreas Fault and creates a rich ecosystem right in the middle of the desert. For miles around you can see mountains and sand, and then seemingly out of nowhere there is this relatively tiny patch of life.

There are palm trees everywhere you go around here. What I didn't know until recently was that none of these palm trees are native to the area. They have all been planted on purpose and need to be watered, or they will die. It is simply too dry for most plant life. Well, 1000 Palms Oasis, where the water seeps up from under ground naturally, has plenty of naturally growing, native palm trees. Seeing them for the first time is interesting. Most of the time, in the cities, palm trees are groomed. The bottom layer of leaves is removed each year. Wild palm trees are never trimmed, so layers and layers of dead leaves hang along the tree. Because they are so full and thick, walking through them is like walking through a tiny jungle in the middle of the desert. Truly a brilliant sight to see.

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I was also able to get some video walking through the thick trees. It's a beautiful little spot, and I wish I had taken my good video camera. I apologize in advance for the shakiness and glitchiness of the video. You still get a sense of what it's like to walk through there, but I'd recommend avoiding the video if movement makes you nauseous.

California 2012: Driving in the Desert

Today was a big day, photo-wise, so I'm breaking it up into two posts. It's just easier this way. A good chunk of the afternoon was spent driving around with my father-in-law, Al, in the new Thunderbird that they got this year. The desert in this area is wonderful. The scenery changes pretty much minute to minute, and there are some great views of the mountains, especially when you get out and away from the cities. Here are some of the shots that I took of our drive around the valley.

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The drive ended at a little place called 1000 Palms Oasis, where I took plenty more photos (and video!), which is coming up within the next few hours.

California 2012: Rock Painting

One of the things I planned to do while in California was to paint one of these big, flat rocks in the back yard here in Indio. Today I was able to start the painting and I'm maybe 1/3 done at this point. I was stopped by the weather, unfortunately. The wind picked up and so I had to quit painting for the day.

I'm doing a time-lapse of it! I took a picture just of the rock before I started, so you can see what it looks like. It's a really unique looking rock. The texture of it is really interesting, and perfect for what I ended up painting on it. You can't see a lot of detail of the rock's surface in the photo, but you can see Darwin sitting in a high chair to the right of it, looking adorable in his stripey hoodie.

[caption id="attachment_1152" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="A picture of the rock and setup before I got started."][/caption]

I have, I think 2 hours of footage of me painting it already and so this time-lapse might be a bit longer than previous ones. It was nice spending the afternoon out on the patio, mixing beautiful colours and watching the clouds.

Then, some people came over for dinner, which was lovely. It was delicious and ended with us all piling into the hot tub (Darwin included, of course) and relaxing to end the night.

California 2012: College of the Desert and China Bistro

Today Glenda, Darwin and I woke up early and headed over to a place near El Paseo. The local college, known simply as 'College of the Desert' sits there in Palm Desert with a beautiful view of the mountains all the way around. Fountains dot the architecture on the way to the market that is held every weekend. Here, local artisans and entrepreneurs put their wares on display to the thousands of locals and tourists that walk through. We got there at around 10:00PM, and it was already swimming with people.

There is such a wide variety of displays. There must have been at least a hundred shops there selling everything from chocolate and clothing to art and jewelry. I was instantly attracted to the shops that were the most colourful. I was looking for children's items because I wanted to get Darwin something, but it was clear that this market was geared towards an adult crowd. I didn't see a single thing that I could have bought for Darwin, aside from some overpriced socks. I did, however, find myself a new hoodie. I haven't yet gotten a photo of it, but let's just say it's quite colourful and extremely comfortable.

[caption id="attachment_1143" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Metal art shop"][/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1144" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Wall art"][/caption]

We left the fair after we had seen all the shops and went to some department stores and clothing stores to see what we could find for Darwin. He has needed new clothes for a while now but I wanted to wait to buy them down here, because clothing is so much cheaper. I found quite a few really cute outfits. Lots of little plaid shirts and jean shorts.

When we got back to the house, plans were made to go out for supper to a little place called China Bistro. I have always said that I don't like Chinese food, but what was served here was not what I thought Chinese food was. I always thought of Chinese food as the greasy/noodly stuff that comes in little boxes delivered to your door. This food was different. It was fresher, tastier and healthier tasting than I remember the 'Chinese' food tasting that I'd had back home. While it still wasn't something I would probably eat on a regular basis, it was quite a bit better than I had expected and I really did enjoy the food.

[caption id="attachment_1148" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Darwin and Grandpa sleeping this afternoon"][/caption]

California 2012: Darwin's Pool Day and Party!

Today we were mostly going to stay around the house and relax, then go to a party that Glenda and Al's friends were having. We woke up late and thought it would be great to see how Darwin would do in the regular pool, being that the water is cooler than in the hot tub. He got his swim suit on, I gave him a good coating of sun screen, put his cool dude shades on and we headed to the back yard. Well wouldn't you know it, the boy has no issue with being in the pool either. He started splashing right away, and had a fun afternoon playing in the pool and even spent some time in one of the inflatable toys. Glenda took some pictures of the action. There's video too, but I'll tend to that when we get home.

[caption id="attachment_1131" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Just hanging with my son in the pool[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1132" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Wearing his cool shades[/caption]

 

When pool time was done, Glenda and I took Darwin for a walk around the neighborhood. There is a pond close by and we stopped momentarily to see the ducks and some crazy white bird with a long neck and beak. I tried to get a good photo but he was too far away. This is all I was able to get:

[caption id="attachment_1133" align="aligncenter" width="178"] What ARE you?!?[/caption]

 

After the walk, it was time to head to the party. Darwin was a huge hit! He loved getting passed around by all the ladies, and he made sure to check out all of their jewelry. He spent a little bit of time at the men's table too, no doubt learning about manly things; like tools, and trucks.

He was a cool dude today. A very cool little dude.

[caption id="attachment_1134" align="aligncenter" width="375"] "Oh hey Mom, I'm just looking cool with my sunglasses."[/caption]

California 2012: Darwin's First Hot Tub Experience

One of the greatest things about visiting Glenda and Al in Indio is the hot tub in the back yard. There is nothing more wonderful at the end of a long day of walking than relaxing under the night sky. Not to long after I published the last blog post on El Paseo, it was hot tub time. Darwin was actually asleep at first when Al, Glenda and myself initially went in. I had the baby monitor set up beside the pool and hoped that he would wake up in time to have his first dip in the water.

I wasn't sure whether or not he would like it. I knew he liked his baths at home, but when you factor in the jets and bubbling water, who knows how he was going to react. When he finally did wake up I scooped him up, put on his bathing suit and it was out into the hot tub.

Initially he just sort of sat there, unaffected. He looked around and didn't seem bothered by it. Then, he got completely relaxed and just laid up against Glenda enjoying the hot bubbling water. When I took him back, Glenda went and got the camera's and that was when Darwin really started to enjoy himself. He realized the amount of fun that could be had if he splashed in the water, so the next ten minutes or so he did just that. We got some video and a picture of Darwin's first hot tub experience.

[caption id="attachment_1125" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="He was splashing pretty good!"][/caption]

 

California 2012: El Paseo

Today Darwin, Glenda and I piled into the Mustang convertible and made our way to a place called El Paseo in Palm Desert. It's a shopping district that is very artsy looking, so right up my alley. With a stroller, it is simply not possible to get into most of the shops, but the shops were not the most interesting part of El Paseo. Sure, it's where you're going to find a lot of high-end stores, but all of the visual interest was outside.

There is art everywhere in El Paseo. It's a bright little spot filled with colour and fountains. With no shortage of things to look at, I snapped a few shots of the area (and of Darwin, of course):

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California never ceases to amaze me with its beauty.

California 2012: We're Here!

Flying with Darwin was way easier than I was expecting. I thought it would be a pain in the butt the whole time and that by the end of the day I would be exhausted and hate life. It was actually not too bad at all. He cried one time, and it was because he smacked his head on the window in the plane. Even then, he cried for maybe a minute and then he was done. In fact, the worst part of the entire trip was the cantankerous woman who sat beside us on the flight from Denver to Palm Springs. Darwin was being freaking adorable. He had his best game going, and she just shunned him.

Speaking of Palm Springs, that has got to be the most beautiful airport in the world. Go there.

I time travelled. That's right. I travelled back in time by an hour. I got on a plane, and when I got off, it was an hour before it was. Like an epic super power.

The weather is perfect here. Somewhere in the 20's and a breeze. I love the way California smells, too. I missed that awesome smell of ocean. Sure beats the smell of farts that overwhelms you when you get off a plane in Regina.

More tomorrow!

California 2012: California-Bound!

I'm sitting at Gate E in the Airport, waiting for our flight to Denver, Colorado. Darwin is asleep in his stroller. We made it through security without any issues. They had me remove Darwin from his stroller, fold the stroller down to go through the X-Ray-majig and then walk through the metal detectors, which the Four Winds ring did not set off as I thought it might, so yay for never having to take it off.

I wanted to be prepared for th whole 'airport with a baby' thing. As usual, I jazzed myself up over it to the point of nearly having a panic attack when I was going to bed last night. Fortunately, everything happened just the way it was supposed to. In fact, everything was easy (so far). While I haven't landed at the final destination yet, or even gotten on the plane, now that I'm at the airport I'm feeling pretty confident. We totally got this. Me and my little man can do anything.

The down side is that my bag isn't going to meet me in Palm Springs. I have to pick it up in Denver to take it through customs. Yay. The weather is beautiful, here and it is beautiful in Denver (21 degrees!) and I can only assume that it's going to be extremely nice in Palm Springs.

I'm feeling optimistic. So far Darwin has been a dream, and I am confident that the entire day is going to go smoothly. I am going to try and take photos, but I think it's generally frowned upon in airports.

I just took a stealth ninja-picture with my laptop:

[caption id="attachment_1099" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="I'm an airport Ninja!"][/caption]

Preparations

It's my last day before the trip! So, the stress is on! This morning I woke up and walked to the bank, so that I could get some US cash and some change to do laundry. I can't go traveling to another country without clean laundry! So, today so far has been a day of walking and of doing laundry. Once my laundry is complete, I will finish packing. I made a super handy checklist over the weekend of everything I need.

You know what I realized? I have a lot of battery chargers. At least 5 of the things on my packing list are cables to charge electronics. Let's see: there's one for my phone, one for my camera, one for my video camera, one for my laptop and one for my iPod. That's a lot of chargers!

I'm pretty close to being done packing, then I an going to relax, give Darwin a bath, and try to do the pre-check in online and see if it lets me pick a seat or if they will just stick me and Darwin wherever.

I will try to blog tomorrow before leaving for the airport. If I can't, then you won't hear from me until I land in California tomorrow! Woohoo!

Four Winds

People who know me, know that I'm not a big jewelry person. I don't really wear bracelets or rings or necklaces very often at all. In fact, the only thing that I wear is 'permanent' jewelry. If it's something that goes on, stays on, and I don't have to take off/put on repeatedly, then I will wear it. The only thing that fits that status right now is a ring I wear on my left middle finger. It is an 'eternity' band with fake emeralds all the way around. I bought it at the fair one year and have been wearing it ever since. It doesn't hold a special meaning to me, but I figure it's been there for so long, I might as well leave it there.

I have changed so much in the last six months, that I wanted to get some new jewelry. A few more rings. Something that means something special. I'm a big fan of symbolism. There aren't too many types of metal I can wear, but silver is one of the lucky few. So, I ordered three rings. The first one, I got today. The others I probably won't get until after my trip, which is a shame because it would have been nice to bring them along with me. I can only hope they come tomorrow!

Onto the ring I ordered. It's called the Four Winds ring. It is created especially for the truth seeker and the traveller. It was made for me by a man named David in Israel who is an amazing jewelry artist. You can see his shop here. When I came across his Four Winds design, it just seemed perfect for me. I have come a long way in the last 6 months. I have been through so much on this journey, I've stood up when circumstances have knocked me down and I have looked inside myself and healed quite a bit from a loss that could have done much worse to me if I let it. Every time I look at this ring, it will be a symbol of my strength and how far I have come. It will be a symbol of how much further I have to go on this crazy path I'm on. When I'm feeling like I can't go on, I can look at it and be reminded of the strength I hold inside myself.

It's really quite a beautiful ring, packed with symbolism. On one side of the ring, a ship has been engraved to symbolize the journey of life. Around the center stone is hebrew writing that reads 'Father of the four winds fill my sails across the sea of years' which makes me think of that inner strength to keep on moving forward. The other side of the ring (opposite the ship) has more hebrew writing which reads 'the further one travels the less one knows', which is a great way of saying that the more you learn, the more questions you have. The center stone is genuine turquoise and I chose it because it's beautiful and reminds me of Dave. It's called the Four Winds ring. Four Winds is also the name of one of my favorite songs. I'm going to wear it on the middle finger of my right hand. It's on there now, and it probably won't ever come off unless I need to remove it to go through security at the airport.

[caption id="attachment_1089" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="I love it"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1091" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="The ship on the side"][/caption]

Words That Take You Places

There are two things I want to talk about today. The first is something that existed on the old blog, but for some reason I forgot to do when I moved everything onto the new system. It was the list of links in the sidebar that I failed to include, and I think the reason why is because the Wordpress platform handles links much differently than it did on Blogger. It's maybe better off that I didn't directly transfer the list of links, considering there were half of them on the old list that I don't even read anymore, and some have gone inactive. If you check out the sidebar to the right, the 'Sites I Frequent' section is just that, other blogs I read and websites I visit on a near-daily basis. Check them out!

The other thing I wanted to share was something cool that my friend Luke actually mentioned on his blog today. It looked cool, so I thought I would check it out too. It's something called Wordle, and its purpose is creating art from words. You can either paste in a block of text or give it a URL, and it will make a word cloud for you, with various tweaks you can apply to give it a different look. Change colours, shape, fonts and so on to make a word cloud. The more a specific word is mentioned, the larger it is in the resulting image. I fed it the URL of my blog, and here were some of the fun clouds it came up with:

Half a Year Later

When looking back on your life, there are very few moments you can pinpoint as being the moments that changed you forever. Those moments that changed the way you think about the world, or turned it upside-down. Most days fly by without much thought and get lost in the blur of passing time.

Dave Gassner was at the center of 3 of these moments in my life. The moment we fell in love, the moment we created our beautiful little boy, and the moment he left this world. It was six months ago today that he died. Six months since the most amazing, wonderful, talented, creative, caring, thoughtful and funny man I have ever known took his last breath in the very spot I sit to type this blog post. Six months since the most important personal connection with another human being that I have ever experienced, or will ever experience again, was cut so abruptly short that my mind is still reeling from the sudden change. He hardly had a chance to be a father, a title he embraced fully for the three weeks he held it. He was proud of his new son and looked forward to all the things we would do as a family.

Dave was a wonderful father. It was clear that he cared deeply for his son. He talked of finally having a purpose in life, a reason to hold a steady job and be a good person, to start caring more about his health. After having creative-block for months, just days before he died he talked of having a renewed inspiration for music and hoped to write the 'soundtrack to Darwin's life'. For three weeks he was as happy as a man could be. He had a family who loved him and something to be proud of. Like any new parent, he was terrified he wasn't doing things right. "Am I hurting him?" he would ask me when holding Darwin the first few times at the hospital. "Does this look right?" he would ask each time he changed a diaper or wrapped Darwin in a blanket. Dave was so eager to share with Darwin everything he loved. He couldn't wait to share his son with the people who cared about him, friends he hadn't seen in years, co-workers and extended family members. He wanted to show off his son. He wanted to take Darwin to California, to Newfoundland. On trips all over the world.

The day I woke up and found him.. well, my life as I knew and loved it was turned upside-down. The life of the man I loved extinguished like a fragile flame in the breeze. A body filled with life the day before had fallen silent. He was so still. The brain I had fallen in love with, that loved me and our son, switched off. The eyes I could stare at all day would never again fixate on mine or flicker with life. Total devastation seems too light a term to describe those moments of realization: he's dead.

What followed those moments can only be described as a rollercoaster of confusion, terror, depression, anxiety and anger. This rollercoaster lasted a few months, and most of it has become a blur in my memory. A series of moments tied together by tears and grief, and nightmares in between. What should have been the happy first months of a new family was changed in an instant to something much darker, desperate.

The only thing that got me through it all was my son, and having a healthy outlet to sort out my emotions. Of course, I'm talking about the blog with the latter statement. If Darwin hadn't been in the picture, Dave's and my existence certainly would have ended in a way similar to that of Romeo and Juliet. It was the tiny body I held in my arms when I found Dave, that tiny body that depended now on myself alone for his survival, that in turn helped me survive those moments.

Dave was gone. The future of our family which was once so bright and inspiring was now just a big question mark. 6 months later, I miss him more than ever. Some people have reached out to us, to help in any way they could and I am forever thankful to these kind people (you know who you are) who are a shining example of humanity. Brave examples of what can go right to aid a situation that seems helpless. People helping people in the wake of tragedy. Beautiful, beautiful people.

Others have seemingly gone out of their way to kick us while we are down, who have added additional and unnecessary stresses to our lives. People who are examples of the way greed can pervert the morality of a situation. People who use the death of a human being, a man ripped away from his family, as a means to profit financially. These people know who they are. If they are reading this, I only hope that if they are ever in the same situation and lose a loved one, that their deceased are treated with more respect than they have treated Dave and his family.

Six months after my love passed away, we have finally begun to stabilize on all counts. I keep Dave a part of our lives every day. From the photos on the wall to Dave's music library on the iPod, to frequently talking about the happy memories the two of us (and for a short period of time, the three of us) shared together, I set aside a little time for Dave every single day. To celebrate his life and the man he was. To reflect upon the happy memories, and the sad. To embrace his quirks and his accomplishments. To remember the man I loved, who loved me and our darling little son.

It's funny, you know? How six months can seem so long yet so short at the same time. It feels like we could have held each other just yesterday or had a conversation moments ago. It also feels like an eternity since the last time we kissed or drove around the city for no other reason than to listen to music and talk. I miss him. As I watch Darwin grow day by day, I can't help but smile when I think about how Dave would be reacting to his son now if he were still alive. Sometimes I like to close my eyes and picture Dave holding Darwin and playing with him. I imagine what he would say to him, or to me. I picture things working out differently. Maybe instead of dying that day, he held on the additional 10 months until the endocrinologist appointment, when we could finally (hopefully) have a diagnosis, or at least an action plan that would get him better. I imagine us no longer having to go to appointment after appointment, test after test. Dave hated all that testing.

I carry Dave's memory with me always. He might be gone, but the person he was and the father he would have been throughout Darwin's life will never be forgotten. We were a perfect match for each other. He needed me and I needed him. Darwin needed him. We were going to be married

It's been 6 months since Dave died. 182 days, 4,368 hours. He might never take a breath again, or have a thought or recall a memory of his own. He will never write another song, tell another colourful story or invent some interesting new view of the world, but he left behind a legacy in Darwin, and in the love I will forever carry in my heart for him. He left behind countless memories and stories and touched the lives of many. Anybody who knew him, knew that he was the kind of unique, creative and colourful person that only comes around once in a lifetime. While there are so many people quick to change themselves in favor of hiding behind what is 'socially acceptable', 'normal', or 'trendy', Dave had the courage to look through what was expected in order to be exactly who he was, and that was what I loved about him. Although a few people tried to 'fix' or 'change' who Dave was, he didn't know how to be fake. He valued being honest, and being real. He was the only person I have ever met who valued these things as much as I do. I miss him, so much.

I made a promise 6 months ago, as I wept staring at his body on the couch and holding our 3 week old son in my arms. I promised him that his son would know how amazing he was, and that I would be the best mom I could be, raising our little baby with the ideals that were important to us. I have been, and will continue to keep that promise. Dave will always play a big role in our lives and even though he's gone, I will find a way to include him in everything we do, and everywhere we go. His memory will follow us throughout our lives as a means of keeping Dave alive and a part of us as we grow and change. Darwin and I are a team. We will get through this because we're strong. We will do more than just survive this life. We will move forward, but keep one eye on where we came from and never forget the memories and the promises made to that man from a farm in Kindersley, who lived life with all the passion, courage and curiosity necessary to really, truly live.

Even in death, my love.

[caption id="attachment_1043" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="I miss you, love"][/caption]

It Won't Be Long

It's just 5 days until my little boy and I board a plane to Indio, California. I've started some real packing and preparing and I've gotta say, I'm becoming more excited with each passing hour. To share with Darwin some of the places that Dave and I experienced together will not only be fulfilling a promise Dave and I had, but will be making memories with the most important little man in my world. It's also going to be wonderful to spend some quality time with Glenda and Al, as well as Adam and Natasha, and others too.

Am I nervous about flying with a baby? Absolutely. But, I'm less nervous now than I was a week ago. I have done plenty of reading, and have gotten helpful first hand advice from friends that has helped put me at ease about the process.

I feel pretty prepared, but with just 5 days until we leave, it's starting to get stressful. Of course I don't want to forget anything, especially when it comes to Darwin. I'm having some anxiety of doing something stupid like forgetting my passport at home, or not remembering to take all the right paperwork. I'm sure by next week, all these anxieties will be replaced with unclouded enthusiasm as we begin the final stages of preparation and leave the condo uninhabited for 2 weeks while we begin our long-awaited adventure in the most beautiful place I have ever been.

 

Kony 2012 - My Thoughts and Criticisms

Disclaimer: It should go without saying that this post (and any other post on my blog, for that matter) is how I feel ,and I don't expect you to agree with me. I looked at the available information, and gave my opinion.

You've seen it, the leader of the Lord's Resistance Army (LRA), Joseph Kony's name plastered all over the Internet. This 'Kony 2012' seems to be the only thing people are talking about, and they're talking about it a lot. It's getting so much attention that yesterday I found it really difficult to avoid while doing my usual online stuff. My initial thought when I started seeing it go viral was that it was just the Internet's next big thing. Online activism isn't new, the most recent example I can think of was the Occupy Wall Street movement that everybody got passionate about. By the way, did anything end up changing with that?

Now, after checking out the Kony 2012 video on YouTube and thinking about it a great deal, I'm ready to share my thoughts on it and I know that my opinion won't be popular. I may even lose readers. If I was someone else, I might just not post my opinion at all, or I would go the safe route by posting the same things everyone else is posting. But, I'm an honest person and my dear readers, you deserve my honest opinion.

Okay, the Lord's Resistance Army is a Christian militant group that operates in Uganda, Sudan, Congo and the Central African Republic. They consist of approximately 500-1,000 soldiers and are led by Joseph Kony. When I first watched the video, I was immediately reminded of a documentary I had watched a few years ago called The Greatest Silence: Rape in the Congo, which brought me to tears. The truth is, these areas are ravaged by war on a constant basis and have been for decades. In most cases, the UN won't even touch these areas, because there is so much violence going on, and it is so incredibly dangerous that it wouldn't do much good anyway. I believe it would take a world military effort, similar or stronger to what finally ended World War 2, in order to get things in Africa sorted out.

This Kony 2012 thing seems to be just bringing our attention to a decades old problem in Africa. We all know that murder is wrong. We know that rape is wrong. We know that hurting children is wrong. These things have been going on in Africa in disgusting amounts for decades, but why is so much attention being put on it now? Furthermore, why is all the attention for all of the problems in Africa being dumped on one man and (relatively) small militia group? Kony is small potatoes compared to the big picture. But, I get it, you have to start somewhere.

Now, about the video. It's just under 30 minutes long and narrated by Jason Russell. It is clear by watching the video that a lot of money and thought went into its creation, which is only backed up by the fact that a large percentage of the donations they receive go to funding their filmmaking business. In fact, by their own admission, only 31% of the donated funds they receive go toward making a difference in their cause. Click here for their audited financial statements (PDF). One thing about the video I certainly wasn't surprised to see was the profitability of it for the filmmakers. They make the video about their cause, and like magic they also have an online shop outfitted with trendy t-shirts, many of which have designs taken directly from the video and screen printed to the front of them. The video uses shock imagery to activate that human part of the viewer that makes them care and gets them angry, and the rest of the video is an advertisement geared toward selling you each item from their shop, even bracelets. They top it off with a deadline of April 20th, where they want people to take the posters they just purchased from them and plaster them everywhere overnight in the hopes of getting attention to the issue.

I agree that more attention should be brought to all of the violence in Africa and other parts of the world. I agree that there is power in numbers, and that many people together can make a difference. What I don't agree with are the methods perpetrated by Invisible Children. Here's why:

Reason 1: Invisible Children is a shady organization, to say the least. They've been accused by Foreign Affairs of manipulating facts in order to help their own strategic goals. Charity Navigator ranks them 2/4 on the issue of accountability and transparency, that's bad. They have not had their financial statements audited by an independent committee. When the Better Business Bureau requested information from them regarding accountability, they either didn't reply or declined to give the information.

Reason 2: Pinpointing and demonizing one man out of thousands seems counter-productive to me. When the news comes across the sea that he's dead, people will think that the problems are fixed, but they won't be. There are so many militia groups in Africa, it's ridiculous. Civil war is a way of life for these countries. Rape, murder, brutality, violence, and child harm is not unique to Joseph Kony. But, maybe putting a face on the problem is going to motivate people to care more, I don't know.

Reason 3: Where is your donation money going, anyway? Based on available information, this is not clear. If you checked out the financial statements I linked to above, you will see that a great deal of their revenue goes toward filmmaking. If you're in the lucky 31% whose money goes toward the actual cause, what are you supporting, exactly? Well, Invisible Children wants to bring Kony to justice, right? So, it's not a big stretch to assume that your money will go toward military efforts which could possibly lead to his execution, assuming he can be tracked down. The US Army already has 100 soldiers dedicated to finding this man; Jason Russell said so himself during the film. The video talks of wanting Kony 'arrested', and yet here are the founders of Invisible Children posing with heavy weaponry designed to kill with the Sudan People's Liberation Army (SPLA):

[caption id="attachment_1029" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Invisible Children Founders with the SPLA"][/caption]

 

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable having my donation potentially going towards the purchase of rocket launchers and machine guns. Furthermore, the SPLA has its own fair share of accusations of violent sex crimes. I learned while watching The Greatest Silence that the vast majority of military groups in war-torn areas of Africa believe that rape gives them 'magical powers' so they rape people frequently during battle. Rape is actually considered a weapon of war in these areas and it destroys entire communities.

Reason 4: Change takes time, a lot of it, especially in an area as damaged and angry as Uganda. Invisible Children seem to be over-simplifying the whole issue by having us believe that once Kony is arrested, colour will return to Africa like the scene from the Lion King after Scar died. Once Kony is arrested or dead, a new leader will step up and the same atrocious behavior will continue. Change is more than just one man in this case. Even Hitler didn't act alone.

Reason 5: You don't need to purchase things to raise awareness. This was the main thing that lost me with the Kony 2012 video: the sales pitch. I felt like I was watching a 30 minute commercial. If the goal is to raise awareness then all you need is the Internet. Post a Facebook status update about it, make your own YouTube video or Tweet about it. You don't need a t-shirt, or a bracelet to prove you give a crap. Even if you don't communicate on the Internet often, it can be as easy as starting a conversation with a friend or family member over coffee.

Reason 6: It won't last. Things never do on the Internet. The attention span of the collective online masses is that of a goldfish. A few weeks from now Kony 2012 will be forgotten as the next big thing takes its place. The goal of this movement was to raise awareness, and I believe that has been done already. You can't go anywhere without seeing something about Kony 2012 so I would call the movement a grand success already. The real question now is whether anything will actually get accomplished. Everybody knows, now what?

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely agree that this Kony guy and all others like him need to be stopped, and that so many areas of Africa need a good kick in the butt. While the allegations against Invisible Children could very well be exaggerated in some cases, the fact that this controversy exists with them, combined with the photo of them holding freaking rocket launchers alone is enough to scare me off from donating to them directly.

It's easy to get wrapped up in the social aspect of the next big 'cause'. It's impossible not to get enraged when you see images of children whose faces have been mangled in the throes of a senseless war. If you want to really, truly make a difference, I would recommend donating money to a reputable charity in good standing whose efforts are widespread, like Doctors Without Borders or Red Cross. While you might not get a fancy t-shirt to show off, or a bracelet to flash to your friends, and it might not make you 'cool' on the Internet, you will get the satisfaction of knowing that your donation is going toward a non-violent effort to make the world a better place, and to help those in need.

In closing, I agree with the cause as a whole, but not with the specific charity promoting it, and promoting only a tiny part of the real issue. I'm uncomfortable with singling out a single man in another country and marking him for death. I would like to see money focused on saving these children from a life of slavery and forced violence, and getting them the proper psychological treatment, rather than a manhunt.

Brace Yourselves

I know I don't usually address current events on my blog. Right now, as I'm sure everyone who has glanced at the internet for even a second knows, there is this Kony 2012 thing going around, spreading like wildfire throughout the web. I have avoided it as long as I can because I don't usually get involved in online activism. Last time I did was over the Haiti tragedy, where I donated a percentage of my sales and ended up getting a load of crap for it from people. So, I usually keep to myself over these matters.

Well, I have had 4 or 5 people now message me privately asking why I haven't addressed it yet, what I think of it, and so on. Most recently, my sister-in-law posted the video on my wall and overall everyone is feeling really passionately about it. To be honest, I haven't watched the video just yet and I'm not even entirely sure what it's all about. I vaguely know that it has to do with children being hurt, which is a very sensitive subject that I can get really scary-passionate about. So, I've avoided it.

Well, tomorrow's post is going to be all about Kony 2012. I'm going to watch the video tonight, give it the standard once over, research some stuff, and then post my feelings on it. If you aren't interested in it, that's completely fine. Simply skip tomorrow's post and it will be back to business as usual on Friday. In the meantime, if you have an opinion I would love to hear it! Email me at ganiggle@gmail.com or send me a message on Facebook.

Now, here's how Darwin fell asleep this morning:

Watch Me Paint!

After how much fun it was to time-lapse myself doing the charcoal drawing, I wondered if it would be cool to do other things in the same way. So, when I got around to painting a canvas with Darwin's name on it to hang in his room, it was a natural feeling to set up the camera so I could time-lapse it.

Also, because of the questions I got last time, I added a little bit at the beginning to talk about the tools I use, so let me know if you like that or not for future videos!

Oh, Hello Heartache

This last week or so has been great. I'm working on a variety of projects, enjoying my growing beautiful son, and as you know if you're a daily reader, I've been recalling plenty of memories from Dave's and my trip from last year. The trip down memory lane has been wonderful. We had so many happy memories together on that trip and bringing them to the surface again has put me in a weird head space.

The majority of the posts over the last week and a half have been typed by me with a smile on my face and tears running down my cheeks. It has been a rush of emotion that has left me exhausted. Although I love and will forever treasure every second I spent with Dave, and remembering things we did together makes me happy, it also brings about sadness. It's bittersweet.

At this point, I don't know if it's possible to recall this many Dave memories all at once without simultaneously bumming myself out for a few days. Add to that the fact that the 6 month anniversary of his death is coming up and you have a recipe for sadness.

I hope that in time, thinking about the little memories made with Dave a lot will be entirely sweet without the bitterness.

Back Home Again

We left early for the airport. Dave's parents made the long drive from Indio to Los Angeles to get us there on time. The flight home was depressing. I think both Dave and I would have stayed in California forever if we could. Going back home to the freezing cold of Saskatchewan, with its grey skies and snowy ground, was no match for the warmth and colour of southern California. Our flight was delayed by a few hours which I think is pretty concrete evidence that California didn't want us to leave either.

Making the trip in reverse wasn't fun. The plane ride that held such excitement on the way there was simply dull on the way home. Neither of us wanted to get back to Regina, to the daily grind. Our hearts were still there on top of that colourful mountain, travelling on those winding roads, and standing on that windy beach. As the plane touched down on the snow dusted runway, we knew our trip was officially over. We arrived home exhausted and fell asleep together almost immediately.

Although we now know that it was the only trip I would ever take with Dave, at the time we acknowledged it as the beginning of many trips, including our partially planned trip to Newfoundland for this coming summer and an endless number of trips back to the warmth of southern California where our relationship became more important, more powerful than anything I have ever known or will ever know again.

We brought back with us a sense of wonderment. We brought back a laptop full of memories and hearts full of love. We knew each other, and ourselves more fully than before. We experienced the first movements of our child and went on an adventure that will make that trip important to me for the rest of my life.

I will never feel more alive than I did carrying our son throughout southern California with the man who made my life worth living in more ways than he will ever know.

Joshua Tree Park

It was our last day in California, we were flying home on March 4th. We had already done most of the major things we had wanted to do on our trip, so for the last day we thought we would take it pretty easy, and just go look at some nature on a leisurely drive. To do this, we figured we would go to Joshua Tree Park.

It was a beautiful drive through the park. We saw desert plants, cactus, Joshua trees (of course) and incredible rock formations. We took plenty of photos of the scenery.

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Upon leaving Joshua Tree park, and in the town of Joshua Tree, there is a big downward hill. We were in Dave's parents truck, and you really don't feel the speed in that thing because it's such a large vehicle. We had picked up speed going down the hill, but were still going the same speed as our fellow travelers.

Oh, look, blue and red lights flashing behind us. I remember we were listening to Matthew Good at the time because we joked that the cop who pulled us over hated Canadians. The truck had Canadian plates on it too. That would explain why we got pulled over, and none of the other speeders did. We got our ticket, but because we were flying out the next day, didn't have time to go back to Joshua Tree to pay it. We ended up paying it online when we got home. It was $280 or so.

Shopping in Cabazon

At some point earlier in our trip (I don't remember the exact day, but it was definitely before the day we went to Palm Springs) we did some shopping in Cabazon. We took Dave's parents truck and took the short drive over to Cabazon, where there is an enormous outdoor mall with something like 150 outlet stores. We spent quite a few hours going in and out of different stores and getting some pretty awesome deals.

This was the place where we bought two things that would end up playing a big role in our lives. First, we made our very first purchase for our son, a brown stuffed animal from the Carter's outlet store. That elephant ended up setting the tone for his entire room. It was nothing but elephants after that.

Second, the shirt that became Dave's favorite, and there is actually a funny story to go along with it. The shirt came from the Oakley outlet store, and was a bright cerulean blue that reminded me of the California sky, with white plaid stripes. It was a button up shirt with short sleeves. The second Dave tried it on in the store, he loved it. The colour was beautiful and looked great on him. From that point forward, it was always the first one he wore after laundry day.

I think it might have been the day we went to Palm Springs, but Dave was wearing the shirt we got in Cabazon and we had arrived back at the house in Indio to find that the doors were locked. Of course, Dave wanted to be the hero who got us in, so he thought he would see if the back door was left unlocked. The problem is, the entire back yard is closed off with a tall brick wall. So, what did Dave do? He figured he would climb over. Now, Dave wasn't the most athletic person in the world, so it ended up being a hilarious event to watch. There wasn't a lot that I could do, being pregnant and all, so I giggled and eventually asked him to stop and smile for the camera as I took a horrible quality picture on my phone.

[caption id="attachment_986" align="aligncenter" width="332" caption="Dave climbing the wall in a heroic fashion"][/caption]

 

He got to the other side and I waited. A few minutes went by with no word from Dave. I called over the wall, asking him if the back door was unlocked.

"Uh, babe? Look.... I don't wanna get into any details... but... MAN..."

He laughed quietly and said the back door was locked. I had no idea what had happened at this point, but I called Glenda to ask her if there was a code for the garage door keypad that would let us into the house. She gave me the code, and a minute after hanging up with her, I was headed to the back door to find out what Dave was up to back there.

When I turned the corner in the back yard, I found Dave bent over and looking in the gravel by the fence. I asked him what he was looking for. He stood up and turned around to face me and in that moment I realized what he was looking for. His belly button was exposed where two buttons were missing from his new shirt. Of course I started laughing, realizing that the buttons had been scraped off the shirt when he hauled himself over it. He had found one button in the gravel, but the other one was never found. There is a family portrait taken later that day where you can see he is wearing the shirt with the buttons missing.

He continued to wear that shirt, even though two buttons were gone, for several weeks. At some point after the trip, Dave and I drove to Kindersley to visit with his family there. Glenda brought out a sewing kit, and she sewed one button back onto his shirt. I sewed the other button back on. It was a special shirt, and when I needed to pick out something for him to be buried in, it was the only shirt I thought of.

To the Ocean

We woke up in our hotel bed in San Diego to the morning sun shining through the windows. It was beautiful. We packed up our things and went down to a little piece of beach right outside the back door of our room. We collected shells and walked barefoot in the sand. It quickly became overcast and cold, so we went back to our room and got ready to check out.

Upon leaving the hotel, we headed along the coast so we could find a spot to enjoy the ocean. We stopped at a surfer themed IHOP and ate pancakes and iced tea. When we left, we continued heading up the coast until we found some access to the coast. We parked the car on a residential street and walked down some steps to the sand. It was everything I hoped it would be. There were big rocky peninsulas where we were able to get a decent ways out into the water without getting wet. We explored the coast and collected more seashells, rocks and sand to take home with us. It was the single most romantic day I had ever experienced and will ever experience again. Dave drew a heart in the sand with our names in it and we watched as the tide came in and swallowed his creation.

It was perfect. We stood listening to the water slosh against the rocks. It was cold and windy, but we hardly noticed. We spent hours walking around on the beach, climbing rocks and exploring ocean life. We held each other and looked to the horizon, briefly talking about bringing our child to this spot next year. It was a truly perfect moment, and a moment I often return to in my memory when seeking comfort.

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